When you grow up in an abusive home, when your father was your main abuser, when you fear him and don't love him, when he is the cause of your deepest pain, when you are struggling to be a parent because you had no role-model as a child, when you still don't trust or like your father, saying, "Happy Father's Day!" is stabbingly a lie.
Pastors on Father's Day often give a Father's Day message. Most don't mention the agony of many of those sitting in the pews that cringe just to hear those three words: "Happy Father's Day!" So many people sit in there and cry inside, torn into shreds by the clawing lies. This is the truth:
He doesn't deserve a holiday!
He wasn't a good father!
He denies the damage he did!
He pressures me to call, write or give a gift!
I don't want to say, "Happy Father's Day."
I don't want to hear his voice.
I don't want to see him.
I don't want to celebrate him on this day or any day.
It is a lie!
It rips me inside out!
I wish this day would drop off the calendar.
I wish I could disappear for the day.
Just writing these words brings heaviness to my arms. I know I have hit a deeply held wound.
I wish just once I could have sent a card like this, especially when I was hurting the most before so much healing:
Today is Father's Day, a day to celebrate fathers!
You were a horrible father. I have struggled to overcome all abuse and trauma you caused in my life.
This day is not for you!
Father's Day is a day to celebrate loving, kind, good fathers which you were not. So don't expect a gift or for me to call to wish you a "Happy Day" on Father's Day, I have been dealing with all the wounds and pain I suffered because of you.
Let's just agree Father's Day is not and will never be a day I will happily celebrate your fatherhood. I choose to live in reality. I hope you can come to terms with all you did, but don't expect me to be part of your life. I don't care what you do on this day. It has nothing to do with me. To me, I had no father. I only had a violent, horrible abuser that pretends even to this day that he was a father. I choose hope for recovery in my life and in my precious families' life. I choose to not have a relationship with you and to focus on my present. I choose truth, and a positive, hope-filled future.
I choose to no longer hide my real feelings. I am going to be empowered in truth.
I am going to live visible!
Would not that be a great card? What would your truthful card say? Do you finally choose to live visible?