I Take Medication - Do You Think Less Of Me?
As a writer, my experiences are my best material for articles. Writing helps me reflect on what happen, what was said, why I felt and what to do about it. Writing helps me process life. Some people paint. Some people run. Others create music, while others industriously make something purposeful or work. Me - I write.
I have had a crushing exchange with someone I had developed a deep-level of trust. I guess all relationships have a moment to peak at a crisis of "well, let me tell you what I really think about you" crescendos. But real life doesn't happen like a good fictional plot for a NY Bestseller... sometimes it just drifts off into nothingness... no all tidy conclusion... no clear ending... no happily ever after or alien invasion to whisk one of us away.
Each person who has experienced child abuse will find a path to healing if they seek it. For many, especially those who desire or need therapy, medication will be a must. When trauma is pulled up - not to dredge up nor to stay in the past - but when it is allowed to surface that it may be transformed from hellacious pain to gift, blessing or treasure... you must be on medication to remain stable. Medication is often a very important part of the cycle to end child abuse.
I take MEDICATION. That is my weakness, my unwillingness to take life by the horns and wrestle it down to be tame to my command. I take medication. It is my cop-out of facing reality... a way for me to be a perpetual pitiful victim. I take medication. It is not like I work for a living. I can afford the privilege life of sitting in a chair and rocking a pink stuffed bunny. I take medication. A sign of my refusal to go to God and lay my burdens at His feet and walk away dealing with life. I take medication, therefore I am less of a person, less than what I could be, less spiritual, less strong willed, less in reality.... I am just less.
This previous paragraph is not the truth I live by but it is the slashing comments I have battled.
So why do I stand firm and hold ground, defending my need for chemical pills called medicine?
People who take medication have a reason unless they take a sugar placebo. Medication is made by scientist working for companies to produce products to limit symptoms and help resolve problems with a person's body.
You can here my testimony on youtube with this link:
Testimony of Taking Medication
After years of medication, ten or so, I know that I MUST take medication to be stable, to be the mom/wife/friend God created me to be, before I endured 18+ years of child abuse filled with torture, neglect, and treatment dealt out to prisons of war or concentration camp victims. I understand my brain did not develop normally, the neurological pathways did not grow, the neurons and connectors don't properly send the normal amount of chemicals. The memories are blocked up in sections of my brain causing trauma triggers, memory loss, unusually responses and rushes of adrenalin beneath my willful choice.
I do not chose to have mental, emotional, physical effects as a result of horrid child abuse. If I didn't need medication I would certainly not take it. I have done my share of time getting stable on the right blend and level of medications. And I have lived through crisis of emotional breakdowns when I have tried to change my medication, lower my doses, trying to get myself off, or miss taking my medication by accidental forgetfulness. Not only do I pay the price, but my precious children and husband suffer when I am not on my medication and stable.
Ten years ago when I began this journey of getting psychological and psychiatric help, my driving force was to become a mother and wife that my family deserved. I went on medication for my children and husband. I didn't want to take medication at first. I cried and cried for 45 minutes in my doctors office, until he helped me understand it would help me become more stable.
I cried, and prayed. I am a women of faith, a daughter of Jehovah God. I sought Him for direction and healing and learned over the years that life is not about getting well, getting healed...real life is about knowing God and making Him known for others to share a genuine unconditional, loving, personal relationship with Him. So if God chooses to zap me in an instant with a "be healed" moment, I would praise Him! But if He chooses to not and allows me to be stable with medication, I still praise Him!
What has your experience with medication been? Do you have understanding of those who must take medication?
I have had a crushing exchange with someone I had developed a deep-level of trust. I guess all relationships have a moment to peak at a crisis of "well, let me tell you what I really think about you" crescendos. But real life doesn't happen like a good fictional plot for a NY Bestseller... sometimes it just drifts off into nothingness... no all tidy conclusion... no clear ending... no happily ever after or alien invasion to whisk one of us away.
 |
| I Need Help! |
I take MEDICATION. That is my weakness, my unwillingness to take life by the horns and wrestle it down to be tame to my command. I take medication. It is my cop-out of facing reality... a way for me to be a perpetual pitiful victim. I take medication. It is not like I work for a living. I can afford the privilege life of sitting in a chair and rocking a pink stuffed bunny. I take medication. A sign of my refusal to go to God and lay my burdens at His feet and walk away dealing with life. I take medication, therefore I am less of a person, less than what I could be, less spiritual, less strong willed, less in reality.... I am just less.
This previous paragraph is not the truth I live by but it is the slashing comments I have battled.
So why do I stand firm and hold ground, defending my need for chemical pills called medicine?
People who take medication have a reason unless they take a sugar placebo. Medication is made by scientist working for companies to produce products to limit symptoms and help resolve problems with a person's body.
You can here my testimony on youtube with this link:
Testimony of Taking Medication
After years of medication, ten or so, I know that I MUST take medication to be stable, to be the mom/wife/friend God created me to be, before I endured 18+ years of child abuse filled with torture, neglect, and treatment dealt out to prisons of war or concentration camp victims. I understand my brain did not develop normally, the neurological pathways did not grow, the neurons and connectors don't properly send the normal amount of chemicals. The memories are blocked up in sections of my brain causing trauma triggers, memory loss, unusually responses and rushes of adrenalin beneath my willful choice.
I do not chose to have mental, emotional, physical effects as a result of horrid child abuse. If I didn't need medication I would certainly not take it. I have done my share of time getting stable on the right blend and level of medications. And I have lived through crisis of emotional breakdowns when I have tried to change my medication, lower my doses, trying to get myself off, or miss taking my medication by accidental forgetfulness. Not only do I pay the price, but my precious children and husband suffer when I am not on my medication and stable.
Ten years ago when I began this journey of getting psychological and psychiatric help, my driving force was to become a mother and wife that my family deserved. I went on medication for my children and husband. I didn't want to take medication at first. I cried and cried for 45 minutes in my doctors office, until he helped me understand it would help me become more stable.
I cried, and prayed. I am a women of faith, a daughter of Jehovah God. I sought Him for direction and healing and learned over the years that life is not about getting well, getting healed...real life is about knowing God and making Him known for others to share a genuine unconditional, loving, personal relationship with Him. So if God chooses to zap me in an instant with a "be healed" moment, I would praise Him! But if He chooses to not and allows me to be stable with medication, I still praise Him!
What has your experience with medication been? Do you have understanding of those who must take medication?
Comments