Alone During the Holidays - after child abuse trauma
I was left alone this Christmas by my extended family.
Not a card, not a call, not a happy holiday message.
God prepared me. My counselor had told me to not keep trying to stay connected to my siblings if they did not reciprocate the desire to be attached. So, I tired something different this year. I decided I would not be the one to contact. I would wait. I would see.
Thankfully, my own dear family (my husband and three children) had a lovely holiday together. We enjoyed quality time that was not forced, that naturally moved from gatherings and alone time.
In some ways, it is sad knowing I was "left alone" but it is also a newness of hope that this next year will bring more inner health.
A few weeks ago I sensed that this would be the year of health - 2014. I usually get a thematic word each year. Last year was the year of hope. Hope - sounded so cheesy with the use of it in so many political campaigns that I kind of held it to myself, but health sounds so positive - who could not want that?
Life brings seasons. Coming togethers and going aways. Attachments and separations. Mirages and realities.
When a relationship is mostly one-sided, it is not healthy. We prune trees so that it will be healthier, that more growth will occur. Sometimes relationships need to be pruned. Sometimes if we are patient this pruning happens naturally... branches fall away in the wind because they really were not living, ingrafted and vibrant ... they were already broken, distant, draining and unhealthy.
When a plant is growing strong, limbs that are not healthy are obvious. The contrast is glaring.
As adult survivors of child abuse, we will have to recognize when relationships are really non-existant and stop pretending by continually trying to attach a fake branch onto a real tree. No one puts artificial Christmas branches onto a real Christmas tree, but don't we try continually to do this in life relationships.
We must enjoy the precious relationships that we have invested so much of ourselves into to establish and rejoice that the cycle of abuse has been broken. What a gift we have been participants of that we are giving to the world and our family line!
Be thankful and hug the person in front of you.
love, Lindy
 |
| by llyzabeth-kythryn on deviantART |
Not a card, not a call, not a happy holiday message.
God prepared me. My counselor had told me to not keep trying to stay connected to my siblings if they did not reciprocate the desire to be attached. So, I tired something different this year. I decided I would not be the one to contact. I would wait. I would see.
Thankfully, my own dear family (my husband and three children) had a lovely holiday together. We enjoyed quality time that was not forced, that naturally moved from gatherings and alone time.
In some ways, it is sad knowing I was "left alone" but it is also a newness of hope that this next year will bring more inner health.
A few weeks ago I sensed that this would be the year of health - 2014. I usually get a thematic word each year. Last year was the year of hope. Hope - sounded so cheesy with the use of it in so many political campaigns that I kind of held it to myself, but health sounds so positive - who could not want that?
Life brings seasons. Coming togethers and going aways. Attachments and separations. Mirages and realities.
When a relationship is mostly one-sided, it is not healthy. We prune trees so that it will be healthier, that more growth will occur. Sometimes relationships need to be pruned. Sometimes if we are patient this pruning happens naturally... branches fall away in the wind because they really were not living, ingrafted and vibrant ... they were already broken, distant, draining and unhealthy.
When a plant is growing strong, limbs that are not healthy are obvious. The contrast is glaring.
As adult survivors of child abuse, we will have to recognize when relationships are really non-existant and stop pretending by continually trying to attach a fake branch onto a real tree. No one puts artificial Christmas branches onto a real Christmas tree, but don't we try continually to do this in life relationships.
We must enjoy the precious relationships that we have invested so much of ourselves into to establish and rejoice that the cycle of abuse has been broken. What a gift we have been participants of that we are giving to the world and our family line!
Be thankful and hug the person in front of you.
love, Lindy
Comments
I hope you have a wonderful New Year, it sounds like you had a lovely Christmas with your own family... I had a quiet one with my daughter, it was nice :)
May God bless you in 2014!