Healing Alters - Bringing Selves Together
My therapy sessions over the past few months has focused on bringing the alters together. This is not a self-directed or simple process. Each alter develops in severe abuse and trauma to serve a purpose - each is needed to survive and get through the experience, especially if like me, the person still had many years to endure the abuse.
The first alters that came forward for healing and surrender. Each revealed a specific need that could easily be met. Therapy for these divided parts of my soul was more like watching a musical play. The alters were very expressive and imaginative, excited and longing to be transformed. For example, Tina, the young girl that lived in a frozen state dramatically told her story as a mime. When she finished her throat opened to a full operatic song of overflowing purpose and joy. It was exciting and beautiful to behold. Experiences like these are treasures to my soul, gifts from God turning horror into delight. Only the one true God could do this.
Yesterday's session, though, was quite different. The alter that came forth for healing was the pushy-controlling young lady. She flies into action the moment she see injustice or feels disrespected or not listened to. She is so set on being fully understood and acknowledged, and will push people and situations to the breaking point to have her needs met. This alter has destroyed many friendships and other relationships for me. Coming to my defense, she has frequently squashed people, unaware of her overbearing, pressing methods to get results.
She pushed her way forward, wanting to be next .... but after the initial selfish desire of getting her way, she didn't want to surrender any position or control. She was very mistrusting and resistant to change. How could she count of me to take care of life crisis and threatening situations when I had never in the past? How did she know I wasn't going to blow it and cause us all to get hurt more?
It was then that I sensed she was caged, locked, stuck in her position and unwilling to give. Therapy was at a standstill.
It is at times like these that I am so grateful to have Father God with me as I process. I look to Him to take the lead and make suggestions, to intercede and meet needs. But still, no one is forced to do anything. God is never into forcing people to obey. We must always make our own volitional decisions - we have a free will - we are not puppets or robots.
As He instructed Warrior Angels to surround her facing outward to protect, He filled the circle with His beautiful illuminant warmth. The cage began to melt and as it did it was purifying into gold and pouring into the shapes of a shield and sword. This alter would need to enter spiritual warfare, it was not a simple transition as some of the others.
But I sensed in my being that I was spiritually weak and unable to do the work this session needed. That is when God reminded me of how the session began with Him walking me through the forest, taking the lead and pointing out the places of caution as He used a rod to make a pathway for me to follow Him and learn. He taught me that I haven't been walking as closely to Him as I had all the years I so desperately needed Him to survive each day. And due to this, I was not spiritually prepared to continue the session because my fellowship with Him had been weak.
I understood and knew the work of this current session of therapy had come to its completion. I knew I needed to spend time strengthening my core self in the presence of the Lord before I was able to do the work needed in therapy to help this alter integrate.
I am grateful that God doesn't grade us on how well we preform. I was not punished for not being steadfast in my quiet time with Him, I did suffer though. I could not progress in my therapy. It would take longer for me to be healed. I am thankful God allows provides a way for me to return to Him in deep fellowship surrounded by His unconditional love. As I come to Him, He will fill me, and strengthen my ability to be more fully surrendered to His power. He alone will enable me.
Dear friend, if you are reading this and you know firsthand what I am saying... if your soul cries out to be whole, run into the arms of Jehovah, the one true God. He alone is the Great Physician, to source of real healing. He loves you dearly and wants to set you free.
The first alters that came forward for healing and surrender. Each revealed a specific need that could easily be met. Therapy for these divided parts of my soul was more like watching a musical play. The alters were very expressive and imaginative, excited and longing to be transformed. For example, Tina, the young girl that lived in a frozen state dramatically told her story as a mime. When she finished her throat opened to a full operatic song of overflowing purpose and joy. It was exciting and beautiful to behold. Experiences like these are treasures to my soul, gifts from God turning horror into delight. Only the one true God could do this.
Yesterday's session, though, was quite different. The alter that came forth for healing was the pushy-controlling young lady. She flies into action the moment she see injustice or feels disrespected or not listened to. She is so set on being fully understood and acknowledged, and will push people and situations to the breaking point to have her needs met. This alter has destroyed many friendships and other relationships for me. Coming to my defense, she has frequently squashed people, unaware of her overbearing, pressing methods to get results.
She pushed her way forward, wanting to be next .... but after the initial selfish desire of getting her way, she didn't want to surrender any position or control. She was very mistrusting and resistant to change. How could she count of me to take care of life crisis and threatening situations when I had never in the past? How did she know I wasn't going to blow it and cause us all to get hurt more?
It was then that I sensed she was caged, locked, stuck in her position and unwilling to give. Therapy was at a standstill.
It is at times like these that I am so grateful to have Father God with me as I process. I look to Him to take the lead and make suggestions, to intercede and meet needs. But still, no one is forced to do anything. God is never into forcing people to obey. We must always make our own volitional decisions - we have a free will - we are not puppets or robots.
As He instructed Warrior Angels to surround her facing outward to protect, He filled the circle with His beautiful illuminant warmth. The cage began to melt and as it did it was purifying into gold and pouring into the shapes of a shield and sword. This alter would need to enter spiritual warfare, it was not a simple transition as some of the others.
But I sensed in my being that I was spiritually weak and unable to do the work this session needed. That is when God reminded me of how the session began with Him walking me through the forest, taking the lead and pointing out the places of caution as He used a rod to make a pathway for me to follow Him and learn. He taught me that I haven't been walking as closely to Him as I had all the years I so desperately needed Him to survive each day. And due to this, I was not spiritually prepared to continue the session because my fellowship with Him had been weak.
I understood and knew the work of this current session of therapy had come to its completion. I knew I needed to spend time strengthening my core self in the presence of the Lord before I was able to do the work needed in therapy to help this alter integrate.
I am grateful that God doesn't grade us on how well we preform. I was not punished for not being steadfast in my quiet time with Him, I did suffer though. I could not progress in my therapy. It would take longer for me to be healed. I am thankful God allows provides a way for me to return to Him in deep fellowship surrounded by His unconditional love. As I come to Him, He will fill me, and strengthen my ability to be more fully surrendered to His power. He alone will enable me.
Dear friend, if you are reading this and you know firsthand what I am saying... if your soul cries out to be whole, run into the arms of Jehovah, the one true God. He alone is the Great Physician, to source of real healing. He loves you dearly and wants to set you free.
Comments
Blessings, Suz
vintagemommy@gmail.com
Thank you for commenting. I truly am sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you.
So many of us are financially hurting - truly I understand. Therapy is not inexpensive, but you can often find great counselors with sliding scale fees all the way to free depending on your situation.
I would highly recommend that you contact Focus on the Family. Call their 1-800-line. Ask them for help in finding quality counselors in your area that have sliding fees.
When interviewing a counselor, find out if they have extensive experience in trauma/childabuse counseling and more important training in Central Nervous System (CNS) therapy. It can go by many names, EMDR, brainspotting, biolateral, etc. And each has many levels. You will need someone highly trained, and even willing to learn more as she works with you.
Find a women counselor.
I don't mind at all writing to you, but I want to say first, I am not a trained professional counselor.
God WILL provide the healing you need. Not everyone needs the same healing. God can validate your abuse, and so can I or any other person who you trust to share.
You were abused, and I am so sorry! God CAN and WILL heal you! The key to healing is developing a relationship with God, to the point that you are hearing Him guide you daily. When He guides you, obey! No one knows what you need like He does. And you need Him more than anyone else.
God love you and keep you.
Lindy