Dissociative Identity Disorder - Setting up Trauma Therapy for Alters
I am revisiting some of my older blog posts - It is good to reflect back to see how much I have healed, grown and changed. I am glad I took the time (really I needed) to write down what I was experiencing, thinking, and feeling.
This post is a look back to February 28, 2010; I was in the beginning stages of realizing my brain as a child enduring severe abuse splintered, enclosed, and formed personalities to protect me - the child within. Years later I am still amazed at how beautiful God created our body - equipped with defense mechanisms to protect our tender soul. Well, here is the older post:
Many months ago, we had a therapy plan. I slightly laugh at myself now so many therapy session later. Newsflash: Therapy is not easy territory, and never what you expect.
It was our plan but truly does anyone know how to plan when they trek into uncharted territory. Did Lewis and Clark know what path to take or how to deal with a Grisly when they had only seen a brown bear? Explorers have to walk by faith, which is easier when you have a trusting relationship with the One you put your faith in to be your traveling partner.
In my second week of therapy, we extended our counseling time for the purpose of helping all my alters, DID personalities, come together. I keep the faith and believe our plan. So, I meet my counselor for the purpose of finding needs for all alters, and the hope to finally making an agreement between them to allow me to live my life. At least this is what I have been told may happen in the process. Me, being my core self - Lindy, my 46 year old adult self- wants to finish therapy one day.
Seven years is longer than any therapy deserves. I keep longing for the END... even though I know (or so the story goes), the end is not the lesson but the journey is what I need to cherish. I am too real of a person to pretend "this journey needs to be cherished" is enough to be comforting all the time. "How long must I keep walking this road by faith? When will it ever end?" are the real questions I harbor in my soul.
I want to be able to make decisions and to "function" full-time without being controlled by an alter. So, in therapy, we are going to let the alters know that
1) they will all be taken care of,
2) every need will be addressed,
3) but that it would be best for everyone, especially Lindy (my adult self) if they would wait until therapy time.
(haaa haaa haaa, what a joke, like the alters might just listen. This will be like trying to control a preschool class by offering them anything they want in an ice cream parlor before they go to bed. Good luck!)
The therapy process is to be a very careful process and something you (my reader) may not fully comprehend after I explain it. Don't worry, many doctors don't understand it either. That should give you a light-hearted deep breathe .... you are not alone. I have found it very helpful to pray before a session asking God to have His way. Praying helps me to trust Someone greater than me is in control of my healing. (thank goodness!)
If you have been though abuse and trauma, and struggle with hearing voices or changing personalities or various stages of maturity, you may have Dissociative Identity Disorder, or at least some type of dissociative disorder. Not all people who have been through abuse and trauma develop this disorder. It is a a mental illness that evolves to help a child cope with severe repeated abuse especially in tender developmental years of early childhood.
So, let me explain a little about what has been taking place. I share to let people know that this type of therapy is available and also for others to be able to identify or understand so they don't feel so isolated. If you relate due to a similar experience know that you are not the only one struggling with these problems, and great help for healing is available child abuse survivors! But healing is not in the form of a magic pill and quite usually it is not a one time event. I still become crushed on days when I least expect it; I am still in the process of being healed.
If you have been following me in my therapy and my healing at all you will not be surprised to learn that our safe place would, of course, be a garden--much like my very own private secret garden. What I delight about this space is that God led me around showing me everything that was there....and His creativity is endless and perfect.
From a creek with sitting stones, to a rose vine climbing an arch above a bench swing, to butterflies and birds fluttering around, to a cottage front porch with rustic wood rockers and bubbles and a sandbox. He thinks of everything!
Here in this garden is a special safe place for all of my alters to hopefully find healing. I will enjoy seeing where each goes to feel comfortable in coming weeks in therapy.
As this session came to a close, Father God placed a ring on my finger. It was a a yellow stone similar to a yellow diamond. I wondered why. He has never done anything like this before. Father God told me the ring has special ability. He told me to touch it any time I need Him. It will be a reminder that He is with me and that I am deeply loved.
Coming together in therapy is not going to be easy, but God is laying the ground work to give me all that I will need.
Of course, He is what I need! For me, healing would not be possible without Him. I am so thankful for this precious time I get to share with Him. Allowing Him to reveal
This post is a look back to February 28, 2010; I was in the beginning stages of realizing my brain as a child enduring severe abuse splintered, enclosed, and formed personalities to protect me - the child within. Years later I am still amazed at how beautiful God created our body - equipped with defense mechanisms to protect our tender soul. Well, here is the older post:
Many months ago, we had a therapy plan. I slightly laugh at myself now so many therapy session later. Newsflash: Therapy is not easy territory, and never what you expect.
The End or The Journey
It was our plan but truly does anyone know how to plan when they trek into uncharted territory. Did Lewis and Clark know what path to take or how to deal with a Grisly when they had only seen a brown bear? Explorers have to walk by faith, which is easier when you have a trusting relationship with the One you put your faith in to be your traveling partner.
In my second week of therapy, we extended our counseling time for the purpose of helping all my alters, DID personalities, come together. I keep the faith and believe our plan. So, I meet my counselor for the purpose of finding needs for all alters, and the hope to finally making an agreement between them to allow me to live my life. At least this is what I have been told may happen in the process. Me, being my core self - Lindy, my 46 year old adult self- wants to finish therapy one day.
Seven years is longer than any therapy deserves. I keep longing for the END... even though I know (or so the story goes), the end is not the lesson but the journey is what I need to cherish. I am too real of a person to pretend "this journey needs to be cherished" is enough to be comforting all the time. "How long must I keep walking this road by faith? When will it ever end?" are the real questions I harbor in my soul.
I want to be able to make decisions and to "function" full-time without being controlled by an alter. So, in therapy, we are going to let the alters know that
1) they will all be taken care of,
2) every need will be addressed,
3) but that it would be best for everyone, especially Lindy (my adult self) if they would wait until therapy time.
(haaa haaa haaa, what a joke, like the alters might just listen. This will be like trying to control a preschool class by offering them anything they want in an ice cream parlor before they go to bed. Good luck!)
Therapy is a Process
The therapy process is to be a very careful process and something you (my reader) may not fully comprehend after I explain it. Don't worry, many doctors don't understand it either. That should give you a light-hearted deep breathe .... you are not alone. I have found it very helpful to pray before a session asking God to have His way. Praying helps me to trust Someone greater than me is in control of my healing. (thank goodness!)
If you have been though abuse and trauma, and struggle with hearing voices or changing personalities or various stages of maturity, you may have Dissociative Identity Disorder, or at least some type of dissociative disorder. Not all people who have been through abuse and trauma develop this disorder. It is a a mental illness that evolves to help a child cope with severe repeated abuse especially in tender developmental years of early childhood.
So, let me explain a little about what has been taking place. I share to let people know that this type of therapy is available and also for others to be able to identify or understand so they don't feel so isolated. If you relate due to a similar experience know that you are not the only one struggling with these problems, and great help for healing is available child abuse survivors! But healing is not in the form of a magic pill and quite usually it is not a one time event. I still become crushed on days when I least expect it; I am still in the process of being healed.
Safe Meeting Place
I worked with my wonderful counselor last week on setting up the "safe place" for everyone to feel able to enter the same time and space for a meeting. God led me. I didn't need to come up with something on my own or take a suggestion from my counselor. I simply put on the bio-lateral CD music headset and watched the place develop.If you have been following me in my therapy and my healing at all you will not be surprised to learn that our safe place would, of course, be a garden--much like my very own private secret garden. What I delight about this space is that God led me around showing me everything that was there....and His creativity is endless and perfect.
From a creek with sitting stones, to a rose vine climbing an arch above a bench swing, to butterflies and birds fluttering around, to a cottage front porch with rustic wood rockers and bubbles and a sandbox. He thinks of everything!
Here in this garden is a special safe place for all of my alters to hopefully find healing. I will enjoy seeing where each goes to feel comfortable in coming weeks in therapy.
A Yellow Stone Ring
As this session came to a close, Father God placed a ring on my finger. It was a a yellow stone similar to a yellow diamond. I wondered why. He has never done anything like this before. Father God told me the ring has special ability. He told me to touch it any time I need Him. It will be a reminder that He is with me and that I am deeply loved.
Coming together in therapy is not going to be easy, but God is laying the ground work to give me all that I will need.
Of course, He is what I need! For me, healing would not be possible without Him. I am so thankful for this precious time I get to share with Him. Allowing Him to reveal
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