Secondary PTSD - You Are Their Trauma

Many people today are being given the diagnosis of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome), a mental illness assessments that can not be made by a blood test, a culture from a lab, a EKG stress test or an Xray. People, with invisible wounds, are told they have a chemical imbalance; that their brain is not working correctly after they experienced horrific physical, emotional or mental attacks. But no one actually tangibly see the connection from the incidents to the result; this damage is internal - quite invisible to our methods of scientifically detecting the illness.

Still, a person suffers.

And not only does the individual suffer. The family suffers too!

Do you know someone with PTSD? Is a loved one recently received a diagnosis? 

You already know the signs of this mental illness:

• nightmare,
• hyper-vigilant
• obsessive,
• compulsive,
• depressed,
• screaming,
• anger,
• hyper-sensitivities,
• isolation,
• rapid swings in mood,
• easily triggered by senses,
• unstable,
• unsociable,
• emotional,
• detached,
• and several more.

Each person is unique, therefore their symptoms and degree of the illness varies. But what is becoming more common is the fact that spouses and children of someone suffering from PTSD are developing symptoms also.

The finding is that the wounded person suffering the PTSD becomes the trauma (T) for their loved ones and because of being exposed to repeated and frequent episodes of trauma.

When I read about this recently that Veterans family members are also beginning to show symptoms of PTSD at varying degrees, I looked at my children and didn't want to feel what was emerging within my being.

Did I wound my children? Is this why my son suffered from an autoimmune disease? Honestly. I did suspect it. I have long wondered if I wore down his body during the many years of my daily "episodes" of instability.

As I write this post, I sit on a queen size bed with a plush white comforter. I am in a hotel room connected to the Mayo Clinic hospital in MN. I can't help to question:

Am I the reason my daughter has been suffering since August of last year? Did her body overload and give up? Could she have suppressed her fears, pain, and emotions so long that it weakened her body enough to stop her autonomic nervous system from working properly?

I feel guilty. This is false guilt... this is shame for something I had no control over.

Thankfully, I know I could have not done anything differently.

I did the absolute best every single day. I endured trauma therapy for 10 years doing intense work that was necessary for me to heal. I did everything I felt God had prescribed because I desperately wanted to  "stop hurting my loved ones."

But ....  I think I still hurt them. LIFE IS NOT FAIR! 

I knew that already, but I wanted so much to not repeat the cycle of abuse; I just couldn't get "fixed" quick enough. My best was not good enough. Do you know that feeling?

Presently, I can do nothing about the past but today I can help them be as healthy as they can be. Maybe if they have children I can help them so that their own children will have a less traumatic childhood. I can give them breaks and let them have time to take care of their own body, soul and spirit.

I am finding odd as I write this post I do not feel very emotional--I feel flat, dull, automatic. Maybe I am numbing myself to not cry. Maybe I know their is nothing I can do to change the past. Maybe I need to just trust God that HE is able to heal them faster before they have a family.

If you are suffering from PTSD, be aware of the fact that you need help to give your family breaks so they don't have to be continually exposed to your trauma.

BUT let me stress this: IT IS WORTH LIVING THROUGH THE HEALING PROCESS and becoming a better you. In the end, if you stay tough and keep working on healing eventually you will stop hurting them with the secondary effects of your trauma/abuse experience. Don't you dare give up! That will hurt them so much more. Keep believing and obeying God to heal you. And talk to others who have been through the process - get support. 

I am here. I have been through it. I promise you there is a way out!

Until next post, keep moving forward!

Remember -

You are not the center of the universe,
What happens to people is not your fault,
You are not responsible for the outcome of others' lives,
You can change your life - the way you live,
You can change the way you respond and interact with others,
You are accountable to God alone,
You are not to blame for other's bad decisions,
You are healing - each person must choose for themselves to heal or not heal,
You must LIVE in the moment before it passes - it is the only place you can LIVE fully!