Am I Bitter? Is the Problem ME?

I began writing to answer these questions,

but ended up confirming who I was created to be.

I read what I write: blogs, articles, posts, and wonder.... am I bitter?

By Mirrei on DeviantArt.com 

I think people who have been through abuse and trauma in their life tend to be more self-analytical if they have ventured the healing process. We also tend to not clearly know the normal standards so our opinions are skewed depending on the type of trauma we endured. Early childhood trauma tends to be the worse when it comes to knowing norms because a foundation was never set. I hate that I can still be tripped up by everyday life occasions that bother me intensely while others might not even notice a problem. So here is the words I wrote when I was questioning if it was me who was bitter, if I was the problem.


We project our best self... not our worst.

But still I ask GOD, "Is the problem in my life ME?"

And for anyone who has ever bowed lowly enough to attempt such a question knows the answer... oh, so well.  do tell...

We always have a log in our eye. None of us are perfect and most frequently what aghast us is the very thorn pierced in our own flesh. Oh, save me from my wretched self... we may cry, but in the end, the process of growth toward Christ is slow. We are being molded, mettled out by the crafter that knows time is what works the best to slowly press, or shave or imprint. He is gentle, most intricate with the uncomely details.

So yes, we are left to walk about unfinished. UGH!

To the world we are broken, faulty, even hypocritical... but to God we are His work in process.

I see your wound more clearly than I see my own. And that is the way of life, that our view upon others is uncluttered but shallow... as is others' view of us.

I read some beautiful blogs. Ladies who can write dripping words. Their love, their precious moments of life, their insight. I am jealous. I want to be like that, but I cannot, because I am me.

I am being transformed into the image of Christ in His own unique way that is meted out within me.

So to be truthful, to examine one's motives, one's heart... even if we try really hard, we cannot see it all. BUT we can have grace for all (others and ourselves). We are not perfect, none of us, nor wholly good as we may desire to be.

And why do I write, is it for myself or others? Both, and then there is more of a reason.

The truth is: writing is first and foremost who I am. I write because it is what I must do to be me. I would love for others to relate, enjoy or learn... even to be motivated to think ... and maybe grow, but I write because I am a writer.

Will what I write matter in the end of time? Will it make a difference? Not so much to others, as it does to the process of being transformed by God to be who He is working within me to be. Writing is a process God uses to grow me from the inside out.

We each have our own process. For me, this is mine. To speak out loud or at least to type, the inner workings of my heart that they may move along.

I am a work in process, and I always will be here on earth.

Love,

Lindy