Help Stop The Cycle of Child Abuse
Honestly, I didn't want this post to be so long...but it is kind of hard to explain this need in a few words... at least it is for me (:
It is my heart dream to see a ministry/organization started for adult parents who were abused as a child that are trying with all their heart to break the abuse pattern and to give their children a happy childhood and home.
Listen to the cry for help....
Being an abused child, I determined in my heart at an early age that when I had children I would never hurt them or abuse them. I wanted to have a safe, happy, loving home. I would beat the odds. I was not going to continue the cycle of child abuse!
It takes more then a strong determination and a deep want. I have now been married for 25 years and am a mom for 15 years to three precious children (12, 14, 16). Stopping the cycle of child abuse is HARD.
You see, when an abused child grows up and has a family of her own, she doesn't have the internal learned patterns of how to parent. She knows she never wants to do what happen to her, but she freezes because she doesn't know what to do instead. Nothing comes naturally, especially discipline (not beating a child, but training a child). No matter how many classes she attends or books she reads.
And what complicates the situation is that this mom doesn't have extended family to give her a hand when the going gets tough....all of her siblings are struggling to cope with being an adult of child abuse and are at different stages of healing....her parents are the very last people in the world she would ever want around her children or to help her, other relative aren't involved or close because it was such a dysfunctional family.....and usually in-law families don't have a clue or understanding but they do think she is not that great of a parent and wish their son had married a nicer, not so complicated person.
Healing starts for her from the day she leaves the abusive home until God is finished with the process (it is all in His timing)...so she isn't usually prepared to handle all the pressures and stages of being a mom.
And what is worse, she looks for help everywhere , asks for help from everyone, but something is missing....
Well, there is help for people who are currently in abuse or who are just being removed from abuse or even if they become abusive to their children themselves or get this, if they abuse their body with drugs, alcohol and prostitution and still try to be a mom....
But the gap in ministry is for the mom that with all her little heart is trying to raise up God-loving, precious children in a fast-paced, un-godly, world without any extended family.
I don't think people realize how much help they get from relatives until you don't have any to turn to yourself. Just imagine for a minute if all your relatives disappear instantly this minute...no mom, dad, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa...no not one...even no cousins....how different would your life be...if you had to do everything yourself, even when you were ill, exhausted or financially struggling. If you had to do every holiday alone, even your children's birthday parties...no family ever came or helped... Then imagine on top of all that you were trying to heal emotionally, mentally and spiritually from horrible things that happen to you and that you witnessed at the hands of the very people in the world that were suppose to make you feel loved and safe, your parents.
If you can even wrap your mind around a reality like that...than you are beginning to understand, the struggle of a parent that is trying to stop the cycle of child abuse. Is it any wonder this cycle often is not broken? There is a HUGE gap in available help for people who are trying to heal from childhood abuse and at the same time to raise their own children in a loving, caring, thoughtful way that they never experienced or witnessed first-hand. They only knew for sure what they didn't want to do...
Mothering can be a great challenge to an adult that was securely loved during their childhood and that have relatives to lend a hand or provide support when needed.
Organizations by the truck load are available to help stop current child abuse, to put children into protective custody, to help legally convict the abuser, to help the abuser reform, and to protect the wife of domestic violence. I have searched endlessly to find an organization that would not reply, "we don't have a program to meet those needs". Sure, there are parenting classes, videos, and tons of books. But believe me, you can read, watch and do everything you can get your hands on and still feel crushed knowing you have emotionally hurt your children when you would rather literally die than to ever inflict any pain or harm to them.
Let me repeat this: It is my heart dream to see a ministry/organization started for adult parents who were abused as a child that are trying with all their heart to break the abuse pattern and to give their children a happy childhood and home.
Every adult survivor (victor) is different and has different needs, but there needs to be someone listening who tries to help them break the child abuse cycle. Listening needs to turn to hands on ministry, assistance and real life human support.
Breaking the cycle of child abuse is near impossible without having support of parents, grandparents and extended family....most neighbors, friends and church members don't want to be "that" involved....and usually don't have the time, they have their own family to help.
I have noticed almost everyone is too busy...especially to stop and help when your world is crashing in around you. And quite frankly most people just don't understand.
What do you think should be done to meet this need? Do you know of a ministry or organization that can helping?
It is my heart dream to see a ministry/organization started for adult parents who were abused as a child that are trying with all their heart to break the abuse pattern and to give their children a happy childhood and home.
Listen to the cry for help....
Being an abused child, I determined in my heart at an early age that when I had children I would never hurt them or abuse them. I wanted to have a safe, happy, loving home. I would beat the odds. I was not going to continue the cycle of child abuse!
It takes more then a strong determination and a deep want. I have now been married for 25 years and am a mom for 15 years to three precious children (12, 14, 16). Stopping the cycle of child abuse is HARD.
You see, when an abused child grows up and has a family of her own, she doesn't have the internal learned patterns of how to parent. She knows she never wants to do what happen to her, but she freezes because she doesn't know what to do instead. Nothing comes naturally, especially discipline (not beating a child, but training a child). No matter how many classes she attends or books she reads.
And what complicates the situation is that this mom doesn't have extended family to give her a hand when the going gets tough....all of her siblings are struggling to cope with being an adult of child abuse and are at different stages of healing....her parents are the very last people in the world she would ever want around her children or to help her, other relative aren't involved or close because it was such a dysfunctional family.....and usually in-law families don't have a clue or understanding but they do think she is not that great of a parent and wish their son had married a nicer, not so complicated person.
Healing starts for her from the day she leaves the abusive home until God is finished with the process (it is all in His timing)...so she isn't usually prepared to handle all the pressures and stages of being a mom.
And what is worse, she looks for help everywhere , asks for help from everyone, but something is missing....
Well, there is help for people who are currently in abuse or who are just being removed from abuse or even if they become abusive to their children themselves or get this, if they abuse their body with drugs, alcohol and prostitution and still try to be a mom....
But the gap in ministry is for the mom that with all her little heart is trying to raise up God-loving, precious children in a fast-paced, un-godly, world without any extended family.
I don't think people realize how much help they get from relatives until you don't have any to turn to yourself. Just imagine for a minute if all your relatives disappear instantly this minute...no mom, dad, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa...no not one...even no cousins....how different would your life be...if you had to do everything yourself, even when you were ill, exhausted or financially struggling. If you had to do every holiday alone, even your children's birthday parties...no family ever came or helped... Then imagine on top of all that you were trying to heal emotionally, mentally and spiritually from horrible things that happen to you and that you witnessed at the hands of the very people in the world that were suppose to make you feel loved and safe, your parents.
If you can even wrap your mind around a reality like that...than you are beginning to understand, the struggle of a parent that is trying to stop the cycle of child abuse. Is it any wonder this cycle often is not broken? There is a HUGE gap in available help for people who are trying to heal from childhood abuse and at the same time to raise their own children in a loving, caring, thoughtful way that they never experienced or witnessed first-hand. They only knew for sure what they didn't want to do...
Mothering can be a great challenge to an adult that was securely loved during their childhood and that have relatives to lend a hand or provide support when needed.
Organizations by the truck load are available to help stop current child abuse, to put children into protective custody, to help legally convict the abuser, to help the abuser reform, and to protect the wife of domestic violence. I have searched endlessly to find an organization that would not reply, "we don't have a program to meet those needs". Sure, there are parenting classes, videos, and tons of books. But believe me, you can read, watch and do everything you can get your hands on and still feel crushed knowing you have emotionally hurt your children when you would rather literally die than to ever inflict any pain or harm to them.
Let me repeat this: It is my heart dream to see a ministry/organization started for adult parents who were abused as a child that are trying with all their heart to break the abuse pattern and to give their children a happy childhood and home.
Every adult survivor (victor) is different and has different needs, but there needs to be someone listening who tries to help them break the child abuse cycle. Listening needs to turn to hands on ministry, assistance and real life human support.
Breaking the cycle of child abuse is near impossible without having support of parents, grandparents and extended family....most neighbors, friends and church members don't want to be "that" involved....and usually don't have the time, they have their own family to help.
I have noticed almost everyone is too busy...especially to stop and help when your world is crashing in around you. And quite frankly most people just don't understand.
What do you think should be done to meet this need? Do you know of a ministry or organization that can helping?
Comments
You have surely identified a ministry need, and God has burdened your heart. I don't know of an organization that can meet this need, but I will pray that God will show you one step at a time where to find one or how to birth one ~ maybe this heart burden is a calling. We will agree together in prayer for Him to move in our midst to meet this real and pressing need.
God bless your caring heart,
Cheri
Anyways..nobody realizes how DIFFICULT it is to try your best to overcome. With no role models, support around me...it is almost Impossible...and so much want the help and also I want to be validated as a person.
I need to stop this!