Who will answer my cry, who will hear?

Please only hear what God wants you to hear, and disregard the rest.

I am not so much wanting you (and the church) to do something for me personally…I just want to speak for people who like me, (most of them hide from churches because they can’t fit in…they can’t pretend to be what they are not, and it is so scary to be totally transparent when you don’t always function properly) who can’t find a voice or who have not healed enough to even understand what is wrong with them. I find my voice in knowing I am His beloved, the apple of His eye, His precious daughter and completely embraced in His unconditional loving acceptance. My Papa knows my voice and I thankfully know His. Praise God from Whom all blessing come!

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A sister-in-Jesus returned her call back to me today (I thank God for her faithfulness!) after I called her in tears earlier this week hoping she would know of some resources from her Department of Human Service work experience and background.

She told me about the upcoming Celebrate Recovery program in the fall starting in our church. I just had an hour to read over the information on the site. Many people will be helped by this solid Biblical program. ALL Christ followers need these steps in their life, truly the program is solid discipleship that is so often neglected in follow-through after salvation or in churches that don’t want to go too deep. If the current Church of God lacks anything today, it is the discipleship of these steps, and this is why there has been so much amazing change, growth/maturity, sanctification in the lives of everyone that goes through the Celebrate Recovery program.

Unfortunately, people with intense damage to them during developmental years or excessively prolonged years have real physical damage in their brain will not be able to “recover/be healed” with these steps. While this is a very developing part of psychiatry and psychology (trauma healing), the technology we have today to study/scan brain matter has been amazing in showing that the actual structural development of the brain is totally different in the brains of people who have been severely or repetitively been abused as a child. A recent study of brains evaluated after suicide showed that the brains of those who had been abused as a child ALL were improperly developed, neuro-connections in the brain tissue where missing. So the evidence in pouring in that people from situations like what I have been through will never (without a miraculous brain healing from God) be able to recover from accepting Christ, surrendering to Him, forgiving everyone, repenting of sin, praying and reading the Bible (following steps of celebrate recovery).

So this population’s brain problems aren’t just chemical (psychiatric medication solve the damage) the problems are also physically in the brain tissue. The Wonderful News that is being learned through so much new cutting edge trauma therapy is that the brain can be trained/restored to be as it should have developed in an average/good childhood situation. What doctors once believed was not possible is now known that the brain can form connections and attachments that are missing. I praise God for making our brain healable. Without getting too technical, mental disorders can be totally biological and not caused by abuse or any other outside source, for example some people are born schizophrenic, bi-polar, etc, but people are not born dissociative or phobic (for example) these mental disorders and many like them develop from trauma/abuse.

The truth is I can usually choose to act a certain way or to have a certain attitude, but when my brain and body chemistry don’t function as most people’s do, I do not have volitional ability, skills or maturity to use my soul’s will. I continue to seek healing that God can provide for me, for the sake of my husband, my children, my Lord…if it was for me, sadly I would have quit long ago and just allowed myself to vegetate in a small room at some institution.

I have looked high and low for help. I have called so many people and organizations over the last 20 years. God has continually heard my cry. God’s timing is perfect. I have experienced incredible healing, at the quickest pace I can recover while still being a “mostly-functioning” mom, wife and individual without being sent away to a mental hospital or in-house program.

I am joyful, at total peace, and very compassionate when I am stable which is frequently…but when traumas are triggered, imbalances occur, and my brain just doesn’t function as it does when I am stable. My thoughts are muddy (foggy, unclear, out of focus), memories can be fragmented, emotions roller coaster, and all the responsibilities that I can normal juggled come crashing down.

This is when I need hands-on help, so that I can recover while keeping life as stable as possible for my family. I have cried over and over when I go unstable “there is no place for people like me”, “there is no body to help people like me”, “please, I need help”, “listen to me, I am not right, I need help”, but who will answer my cry, who will hear?

Sadly, I can’t foretell when I will become unstable. I don’t have the ability to “snap out of it”, pray out of it, repent out of it, or chose to stop being unstable…I wish it was so easy(;

Thank you so very much for listening. For me that is enough. I hope God can use this information to help you continue to seek ways to minister to hurting people. And while I truly sense, our time before Jesus returns is very short, and lost souls are always to be the Church's first/primary purpose, we must never stop being transformed.

What is your experience? How have you found help? What can we all do to hear silent sufferers?