Help, I Can't Sleep! (Part One)

Help, I Can't Sleep! Part One

Why do so many people who have been abused and traumatized struggle with sleep? This is the last thought I had before I walked to bed. Little did I know, God would allow me to learn firsthand and so quickly. In the next few hours, I learned so much because I could not fall asleep.

"So this is what if feel like to toss and turn hour after hour...2:20, 2:44, 3:05, 3:16...boy, that clock is bright...4 o'clock, 5 o'clock...I must go to sleep. I will crash tomorrow. I will experience an emotional melt down," I thought as I flop around the bed.

My thoughts continue, "I don't have time for this. Our family is already stressed to the max ... taking care of my father-in-law, dealing with the identity theft, fighting about money, raising a house of teens, keeping up with the chores, running errands, calling friends in need, ministering to others...."

"Lisa just had a 4 oz baby, they need a meal. Susan is barely hanging on with lymphoma, she needs help cleaning her home so they can sell it to pay cancer bills. So many friends are jobless. So many people are really sick. Sheryl has been to three funerals in 2 weeks and is still pushing the candlelight taking care of two relatives in the hospital." (names changed for privacy)

"Is this why You want me to experience not being able to sleep? Do You want me to be able to know sleeplessness, before I write about it?," I ask God.

My mind is racing. I yawn deeply like a newborn taking in her first breathe of air as my body reflexively fills my lungs with oxygen. My thoughts are so jumbled like scrabble letters tossing in a bag. My muscles ache down to the bone. Finger tips tingle. "Why did I choose this topic to write about?" seeks my inner soul for understanding from God. "Or did the topic choose me?"

It was 2 am and, "Help, I Can't Sleep!" popped into my thoughts as a good catchy title for an article in the "Abuse and Trauma, Hope and Healing" column. Now, five hours later, I sit ready to let my fingers fumble over the keyboard. Having experienced the topic, I am full of empathy for those who suffer from sleeplessness.

I thought I already knew enough about sleepless nights. For more than ten years, I had my share of nightmares; of waking in convulsive movements scared out of my wits. There I said it ... "of waking." That is right, for years I awoke terrified, sensing something evil near my bed. Something coming after me. I felt them. The tormentors did not want me to have peaceful rest. But unlike many others who suffer in the night, I did at least fall asleep.

I am reminded in my spirit about Jesus and His ability to empathize. "For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points temped as we are, yet without sin" (Hebrews 4:15 NKJV). Christ was tested in all points. He became man to experience our sufferings first hand so that we might "come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16). These are the verses the Holy Spirit brings to my thoughts as I seek understanding.

"Why, God, could I not sleep last night? You know, I don't need to live my story title. I am not Christ." My eyes glance at my open Bible. I see this quote from Luci Swindoll, "But being a follower of Jesus Christ means becoming more and more like Him - letting His Spirit transform us into all we were created to be." Chills run all over my body as I read. I ache, feeling exhausted. My muscles are in deep need of restoration.

Mind racing, thoughts rushing . . .I hear sound or is it pressure coming from my left ear. It is like I can hear my own thoughts speaking slowly now . . .at a painstakingly s-l-o-w pace, my thoughts crawl through my brain. "You wanted to write about sleeplessness, now what do you want to say," taunts a wicked voice. "I will use this for good. Somehow, someway, I will pray for God to bring rest to my spirit, so that I will not loose patience with my children today due to lack of sleep," I think.

As I push on, I begin to pray, "Please God, I need you. My son is coming home today. He will be so tired ending his third week of summer youth camps. Don't let me clash with his sleeplessness. I love him. I want to be a good mother; don't let me loose my temper. And God, I surrender my will to You. Sanctify me as You choose."  After praying my soul rests a little. All is not well, but I know Who I need.

"OK, God, why did I have to stay awake all night?" 

The Lord speaks to my soul, "So that you would have compassion on those you minister to, so that I can use you to teach others to come to Me. I AM the beginning and the end, the Alpha and the Omega. You need me! You will have to press in. You will learn to walk the walk and talk the talk. You will know the language of sleepless nights. I will use it for good, as I use all things for your good, conforming you into the image of My Son." He is my Comforter. "Daddy knows best! And, this Daddy really does know best!" My heart smiles toward Him.

When I started typing, I didn't know this would be a series. Hopefully, I will not have to experience another sleepless night in order to write about it. Part 2 will explain the wonderful gift of sleep given to us by our all-sufficient Father. And hopefully, He will teach us a few things about helping women in need of finding rest; to know a good-night's sleep, to have sweet dreams, and to relax each night in the comfortable arms of our loving God.  (You can continue to read part two of this article here)