Who Is Responsible for Child Abuse?
I was recently told by one of my younger siblings that he/she did not want a relationship:
What does that mean? It is coded for the fact that this sibling blames me since I was several years older for going to college, getting married and not stopping the abuse in my childhood home or rescuing the children still left at home.
What this person as a younger sibling doesn't know is all the abuse the older siblings lived through and all we did to stop the abuse.
I cannot write at this moment all of the things I did do; it would take several chapters of a book; nor can I at this moment explain things that my fellow older siblings did to try to stop the abuse and to help the younger siblings. Yet even if this younger sibling knows many of the things, it is still not enough in his/her eyes.
But here are a few truths:
Parents are the adults, responsible for their children. If one parent is abusing the children, the other parent should LEAVE and do EVERYTHING they can to PROTECT themselves and their CHILDREN.
Siblings are children and, therefore, not responsible for other siblings.
Siblings that grow up in abuse are each marred by the experience and when they do become adults they are not full functioning adults. They can barely take care of themselves and certainly are not capable of parenting other younger siblings, though they have done that a lot of their life.
Other adult relatives, peers of the parents, can have an impact on helping abused children.
Neighbors, teachers and doctors should help children that are being abused.
Caseworkers with social services SHOULD take responsibility for the children in families of abuse reported to them by abused children.
Judges SHOULD act on behalf of children in families that are being abused and not turn a blind eye to abuse when they become aware of it.
Church leadership SHOULD step in and get families protection.
Abused children should not be left in the home of the abuser and this is why the community needs to be actively involved in being protectors of abused children.
Children who grow up in abused homes SHOULD do whatever it takes to stop the abuse in their own life when they get married and have a family; they should not abuse others. And this is when siblings need to step in and speak up and help each other. I have done this in my family with my siblings and I continue to do it until this day. While I will not let their drama/trauma destroy my health or the health of my immediate family, I will not condone nor turn a blind eye to abuse.
Parents who know their own children are abusing the grandchildren and their spouse should get involved to stop the abuse. This is tragic but sometimes the social services or police must be called to get involved and they might need to be continually called until the abused get up enough courage to leave and let others help them.
Finally, it is easier to accuse a fellow abused sibling then to face the abuser; this is safer, and to an abused person someone needs to be blamed.
Let me use an analogy to help explain why siblings growing up in an abusive home are not responsible for each other:
A person in a concentration camp or Serbian labor camp does not blame a fellow prisoner for not coming back to rescue them when they were released from the camp. Fellow prisoners understand that each person being abused is marred and barely escapes with their sanity. They rejoice when one is released that they might live and they hope that one day they will also be released. Prisoners hold the prison guards and leaders responsible, not fellow prisoners.
But if you are a adult family member of someone torturing others or an adult in the society but not in the prison camp, you need to do all you can to stop the camps and to rescue the victims.
Does this make sense? It is not enough to say, "It is not my business. I don't want to get involved." Abused people NEED people who are not abused to help them! Not only do they need help to recover after getting out of the abusive situation, but they need people to get involved and help them even if they don't think they want to be helped. No one deserves to live in an abusive home.
"especially for those who know what you have
allowed and turned your back on in this lifetime."
What does that mean? It is coded for the fact that this sibling blames me since I was several years older for going to college, getting married and not stopping the abuse in my childhood home or rescuing the children still left at home.
What this person as a younger sibling doesn't know is all the abuse the older siblings lived through and all we did to stop the abuse.
I cannot write at this moment all of the things I did do; it would take several chapters of a book; nor can I at this moment explain things that my fellow older siblings did to try to stop the abuse and to help the younger siblings. Yet even if this younger sibling knows many of the things, it is still not enough in his/her eyes.
But here are a few truths:
Parents are the adults, responsible for their children. If one parent is abusing the children, the other parent should LEAVE and do EVERYTHING they can to PROTECT themselves and their CHILDREN.
Siblings are children and, therefore, not responsible for other siblings.
Siblings that grow up in abuse are each marred by the experience and when they do become adults they are not full functioning adults. They can barely take care of themselves and certainly are not capable of parenting other younger siblings, though they have done that a lot of their life.
Other adult relatives, peers of the parents, can have an impact on helping abused children.
Neighbors, teachers and doctors should help children that are being abused.
Caseworkers with social services SHOULD take responsibility for the children in families of abuse reported to them by abused children.
Judges SHOULD act on behalf of children in families that are being abused and not turn a blind eye to abuse when they become aware of it.
Church leadership SHOULD step in and get families protection.
Abused children should not be left in the home of the abuser and this is why the community needs to be actively involved in being protectors of abused children.
Children who grow up in abused homes SHOULD do whatever it takes to stop the abuse in their own life when they get married and have a family; they should not abuse others. And this is when siblings need to step in and speak up and help each other. I have done this in my family with my siblings and I continue to do it until this day. While I will not let their drama/trauma destroy my health or the health of my immediate family, I will not condone nor turn a blind eye to abuse.
Parents who know their own children are abusing the grandchildren and their spouse should get involved to stop the abuse. This is tragic but sometimes the social services or police must be called to get involved and they might need to be continually called until the abused get up enough courage to leave and let others help them.
Finally, it is easier to accuse a fellow abused sibling then to face the abuser; this is safer, and to an abused person someone needs to be blamed.
Let me use an analogy to help explain why siblings growing up in an abusive home are not responsible for each other:
A person in a concentration camp or Serbian labor camp does not blame a fellow prisoner for not coming back to rescue them when they were released from the camp. Fellow prisoners understand that each person being abused is marred and barely escapes with their sanity. They rejoice when one is released that they might live and they hope that one day they will also be released. Prisoners hold the prison guards and leaders responsible, not fellow prisoners.
But if you are a adult family member of someone torturing others or an adult in the society but not in the prison camp, you need to do all you can to stop the camps and to rescue the victims.
Does this make sense? It is not enough to say, "It is not my business. I don't want to get involved." Abused people NEED people who are not abused to help them! Not only do they need help to recover after getting out of the abusive situation, but they need people to get involved and help them even if they don't think they want to be helped. No one deserves to live in an abusive home.
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