Survivor Parenting - A New Generation of Grace
I am given pearls of wisdom through out my life through lessons learned the hard way. I am a journeyman... not a leader or a shepherd.
I can only offer you friendship to walk beside you as you discover your unique path .... in motherhood/fatherhood or without it. I never presume to know what God would want in another's life. I do only know for me it was terribly hard - I have three children!
I am discovering some better programs offered by social agencies to help (there are not enough) but at least some are starting. I will try to write about them soon. I would encourage someone who is recovering from an abusive childhood and having children to seek as much accountability and support as possible, to be vulnerable--honestly sharing how it really is, and to be willing to learn from others, but not let others run your life.
Listening, trying and letting what doesn't work fall away. The best is allow God to filter what you try first!
No one DESERVES to have a child. It is not something we can earn. It is a privilege and a responsibility. It is awesome--in the fearful sort of way... not in panic fear but awe-filled fear.
Just as I have wondered if I would have been better off as a monkish nun - less able to cause others pain - I also know that I have cause irritations that initiate inward growth... like sand in the oyster causing the pearl to develop. We can't see what our seemingly negatives might result in for good.
I do not have an answer for 'how can someone so damaged being a survivor of child abuse ever be a good parent?' Because 'good parent' is such an open-ended phrase that can mean something different to each person. God's word says no one is good, not one of us. Only God is good! And it is the redemption of God, the Holy Spirit, within us that is ever to be the 'good' in us until we are perfected in eternal heaven.
All anyone can do is to be the best we can be - to redeem our errors and faults by asking for forgiveness and being willing to forgive others when we also get very hurt intentionally but often triggered and hurt unintentionally by people so many days in our life.
My daughter said it best... she reminded me last night that all we can do is keep offering grace. (Her middle name is GRACE!) I believe this is what we MUST offer to ourselves as well as our children and our spouse. And likewise we need grace extended to us, because none are perfect or good constantly.
So here is the pearl of wisdom - GRACE. It is only by God's grace that we can ever be a parent, especially after we have been raised in an abusive home. Some of us will be called to walk through parenthood - it will feel like we are being killed... ripping every fiber from the inside out - but that is the generational cleansing process. Lies being ripped away so that God's truth might grow. We will need much grace from God - thankfully His grace is all sufficient! He has all we will ever need - His mercy, His ability to forgive and enable us to start again doing the next right thing in His sight.
It will be a first hand experience with God's Grace.
I can only offer you friendship to walk beside you as you discover your unique path .... in motherhood/fatherhood or without it. I never presume to know what God would want in another's life. I do only know for me it was terribly hard - I have three children!
I am discovering some better programs offered by social agencies to help (there are not enough) but at least some are starting. I will try to write about them soon. I would encourage someone who is recovering from an abusive childhood and having children to seek as much accountability and support as possible, to be vulnerable--honestly sharing how it really is, and to be willing to learn from others, but not let others run your life.
Listening, trying and letting what doesn't work fall away. The best is allow God to filter what you try first!
No one DESERVES to have a child. It is not something we can earn. It is a privilege and a responsibility. It is awesome--in the fearful sort of way... not in panic fear but awe-filled fear.
Just as I have wondered if I would have been better off as a monkish nun - less able to cause others pain - I also know that I have cause irritations that initiate inward growth... like sand in the oyster causing the pearl to develop. We can't see what our seemingly negatives might result in for good.
I do not have an answer for 'how can someone so damaged being a survivor of child abuse ever be a good parent?' Because 'good parent' is such an open-ended phrase that can mean something different to each person. God's word says no one is good, not one of us. Only God is good! And it is the redemption of God, the Holy Spirit, within us that is ever to be the 'good' in us until we are perfected in eternal heaven.
All anyone can do is to be the best we can be - to redeem our errors and faults by asking for forgiveness and being willing to forgive others when we also get very hurt intentionally but often triggered and hurt unintentionally by people so many days in our life.
My daughter said it best... she reminded me last night that all we can do is keep offering grace. (Her middle name is GRACE!) I believe this is what we MUST offer to ourselves as well as our children and our spouse. And likewise we need grace extended to us, because none are perfect or good constantly.
So here is the pearl of wisdom - GRACE. It is only by God's grace that we can ever be a parent, especially after we have been raised in an abusive home. Some of us will be called to walk through parenthood - it will feel like we are being killed... ripping every fiber from the inside out - but that is the generational cleansing process. Lies being ripped away so that God's truth might grow. We will need much grace from God - thankfully His grace is all sufficient! He has all we will ever need - His mercy, His ability to forgive and enable us to start again doing the next right thing in His sight.
It will be a first hand experience with God's Grace.
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