Who I am is a Result of Who I Was
I was born and raised in a suburb of New Orleans, LA in the United States. My birth family and childhood were extremely abusive, causing me to have a horrific start to life and the after-effects have permeated who I am.
I wanted to say “who I was” instead of “who I am” but while I have changed greatly for the positive, my past still permeated who I am... it always will.
I can’t shake the fact that I was created and allowed to go through so much terror to be a catalyst for good in the lives of others. People say people who have the greatest influences on others, change agents in the world, usually have to go through great tragedy and suffering. It might more concisely be said, “You must suffer to succeed.” Even in online groups, we find that we can help others because of what we have experienced that is similar to others. We can relate to others’ trauma, and encourage others to have hope.
I learned real life is not a college nursery room.
While I am blessed to have attended college to become a teacher, the years after my education when I started having my own family, I recognized how ill-prepared I was to raise little children. The positive college experiences were good but they happened in a sterile environment--a safe place--a nursery school laboratory with other students and instructors. Help was always there.
I knew I wanted to stop the abuse cycle with every fiber in my body, but I instinctively knew what not to do instead of what to do. Reading books on positive parenting was only so helpful.
I wanted to say “who I was” instead of “who I am” but while I have changed greatly for the positive, my past still permeated who I am... it always will.
I can’t shake the fact that I was created and allowed to go through so much terror to be a catalyst for good in the lives of others. People say people who have the greatest influences on others, change agents in the world, usually have to go through great tragedy and suffering. It might more concisely be said, “You must suffer to succeed.” Even in online groups, we find that we can help others because of what we have experienced that is similar to others. We can relate to others’ trauma, and encourage others to have hope.
I learned real life is not a college nursery room.
While I am blessed to have attended college to become a teacher, the years after my education when I started having my own family, I recognized how ill-prepared I was to raise little children. The positive college experiences were good but they happened in a sterile environment--a safe place--a nursery school laboratory with other students and instructors. Help was always there.
I knew I wanted to stop the abuse cycle with every fiber in my body, but I instinctively knew what not to do instead of what to do. Reading books on positive parenting was only so helpful.
I desperately needed people, stable people, in my life to walk with me.
However, no one was willing... maybe they did not feel able. Or maybe they did not feel safe around me. Maybe they just didn't to get involved because real life gets really messy.
Many women and men face similar circumstances. They have been abused in their life; they want to live differently and to have their children live safely. Yet, they don’t have the means and more importantly, the relationship support to make changes. Of course, this depends on the amount of trauma experienced and the deterioration of relationships.
What I have noticed in my life, through my own search and need, and after talking to many others, is that child abuse prevention organizations help people escape abuse or try to assist people to stop abusing, but rarely is there assistance for someone who is actually in the process of doing all they can to stop the abuse cycle. We need so much and frequently are even willing to tell anyone who will listen because we want to heal and not hurt others.
The victims need help---support, acceptance, encouragement, and love--most importantly as adults raising their own children.
The only outside help that I ever received was to have a social worker come into my home for 6 months at a time one hour a week to help me adjust how I was parenting. This was a very important turning point in my skills and confidence in being a parent, but I had no network that continued this kind of assistance. Oh, how my children and I could have benefited so much from more help like this.
For many years, beginning in 2008, I sought people locally to align with me in starting an organization to help women break the cycle of abuse and get the support, encouragement, and friendship they need while undertaking the steps it takes to make real change in their family that will affect their own generations to come. I was blessed to be associated with the Organization for Abused and Battered Individuals, which encourages people worldwide who be advocates for stopping abuse; however, eventually, I ended up focusing more on my family’s financial needs and worked full-time in an exhausting job. My contact with others lessened when I was no longer available to volunteer to help others.
I have never been able to get my own organization in the States because I do not have a network of people to help me get started. The administrative and legal side of such an organization discouraged me. While I had an undying passion for helping people who have been hurt, can write effectively, and speak to groups of any size, I lacked the ability to coordinate projects and get others involved.
Many women and men face similar circumstances. They have been abused in their life; they want to live differently and to have their children live safely. Yet, they don’t have the means and more importantly, the relationship support to make changes. Of course, this depends on the amount of trauma experienced and the deterioration of relationships.
What I have noticed in my life, through my own search and need, and after talking to many others, is that child abuse prevention organizations help people escape abuse or try to assist people to stop abusing, but rarely is there assistance for someone who is actually in the process of doing all they can to stop the abuse cycle. We need so much and frequently are even willing to tell anyone who will listen because we want to heal and not hurt others.
The victims need help---support, acceptance, encouragement, and love--most importantly as adults raising their own children.
The only outside help that I ever received was to have a social worker come into my home for 6 months at a time one hour a week to help me adjust how I was parenting. This was a very important turning point in my skills and confidence in being a parent, but I had no network that continued this kind of assistance. Oh, how my children and I could have benefited so much from more help like this.
For many years, beginning in 2008, I sought people locally to align with me in starting an organization to help women break the cycle of abuse and get the support, encouragement, and friendship they need while undertaking the steps it takes to make real change in their family that will affect their own generations to come. I was blessed to be associated with the Organization for Abused and Battered Individuals, which encourages people worldwide who be advocates for stopping abuse; however, eventually, I ended up focusing more on my family’s financial needs and worked full-time in an exhausting job. My contact with others lessened when I was no longer available to volunteer to help others.
I have never been able to get my own organization in the States because I do not have a network of people to help me get started. The administrative and legal side of such an organization discouraged me. While I had an undying passion for helping people who have been hurt, can write effectively, and speak to groups of any size, I lacked the ability to coordinate projects and get others involved.
I look back and see that I should have simply started one person at a time, but even that never happened. The timing was never right.
I was not right--ready---able. Relationships, forming, growing, and keeping them, have always been so fragile.
I was not right--ready---able. Relationships, forming, growing, and keeping them, have always been so fragile.
Yet, this principle is true. We experience, suffer, and survive so that we can also minister to those who suffer.
It seems now I rest more in where I am in life. I have stopped trying to create something or to start something to make a difference in the cause of stopping child abuse. I simply am responsive to people who enter my life and keep a balance with my family responsibilities while still loving others.
It is enough for me to share a warm smile or to say a kind word. I am happy simply to be who I am daily. And amazingly, I am content for today.
And it is good now to be able to live in the present day, as much as possible, to enjoy my family and some other people.
It seems now I rest more in where I am in life. I have stopped trying to create something or to start something to make a difference in the cause of stopping child abuse. I simply am responsive to people who enter my life and keep a balance with my family responsibilities while still loving others.
It is enough for me to share a warm smile or to say a kind word. I am happy simply to be who I am daily. And amazingly, I am content for today.
And it is good now to be able to live in the present day, as much as possible, to enjoy my family and some other people.
I know good relationships are so important in life! So I walk on, I keep trying, I keep living.
It is what a survivor, advocate, and a trying-to-be thriver does.
I breathe and keep living.
It is what a survivor, advocate, and a trying-to-be thriver does.
I breathe and keep living.
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