Mother's Guilt - Do you love you?
Being a Christian for over 25 years, I have conditioned myself to not seek what I want first, not that I am finely tuned at being other-centered. Motherhood helps anyone refine the selfless life so esteemed.
Why else would a person answer, "Yes" when they really want to crumble under the bed covers? A mother's heart finds a way to draw on strength beyond herself. Truly it is a miracle to watch a mother give endlessly like a jar of oil that God ensures is never empty.
For the sake of my children...
Or maybe, I also had a hidden self motive - I so desperately wanted to "be a good mother" -- something I often felt I fell short of doing by my high measurement. It was not a yardstick I held up to others. Oh, no, everybody else has a bad day and how do I know a person was not flicked off her very last nerve the moment I saw her. It is easy to find explanations for others when deep in your heart you have "motherhood guilt".
Doubt is often taught in 'church circles' as something we are not to have toward God, but I am not sure I have ever been told not to doubt myself. In light of so many mistakes, I struggled to love... not God, or others, but myself.
I see myself in a clearly magnified view of everything I do (and don't) and filter out with a careful discerning ear the motive and tone of the words I speak. No wonder I struggled to love myself.
Is this not often one of our stumbling blocks?
We forgive, and accept, and excuse so many faults in others. We are doing as God wants; We know to love our enemies, but do we accept and love ourselves? (It sounds so un-churchy to ask such a question.)
I read a quote in a magazine today. A lady who lived on a farm was expressing how she loved to sew, and she loved to garden and she loved to cook. She followed with this statement, "Really, I LOVE my life!"
Those words hit me right between the eyes. I don't ever recall hearing myself utter those words, how sad.
Have I never truly been in a place in my life that I could say, "I love my life"?
I pause to think...
I wonder why...
What would it take to be able to say, "I love my life"?
I need to figure out how to love myself--not in a "me-centered" selfish way--but with the same unconditional love I have for my children, and most of the time for my dear husband (just being honest) and so many others in life.
I will think about it... but not for too long. I need to keep my eyes on Jesus!
Maybe that is the key... in keeping my eyes on Jesus, I need to allow myself to see "me" through His eyes. I dare say I would be overwhelmed with ways to see how to love "me".
Why else would a person answer, "Yes" when they really want to crumble under the bed covers? A mother's heart finds a way to draw on strength beyond herself. Truly it is a miracle to watch a mother give endlessly like a jar of oil that God ensures is never empty.
For the sake of my children...
Or maybe, I also had a hidden self motive - I so desperately wanted to "be a good mother" -- something I often felt I fell short of doing by my high measurement. It was not a yardstick I held up to others. Oh, no, everybody else has a bad day and how do I know a person was not flicked off her very last nerve the moment I saw her. It is easy to find explanations for others when deep in your heart you have "motherhood guilt".
Doubt is often taught in 'church circles' as something we are not to have toward God, but I am not sure I have ever been told not to doubt myself. In light of so many mistakes, I struggled to love... not God, or others, but myself.
I see myself in a clearly magnified view of everything I do (and don't) and filter out with a careful discerning ear the motive and tone of the words I speak. No wonder I struggled to love myself.
Is this not often one of our stumbling blocks?
We forgive, and accept, and excuse so many faults in others. We are doing as God wants; We know to love our enemies, but do we accept and love ourselves? (It sounds so un-churchy to ask such a question.)
I read a quote in a magazine today. A lady who lived on a farm was expressing how she loved to sew, and she loved to garden and she loved to cook. She followed with this statement, "Really, I LOVE my life!"
Those words hit me right between the eyes. I don't ever recall hearing myself utter those words, how sad.
Have I never truly been in a place in my life that I could say, "I love my life"?
I pause to think...
I wonder why...
What would it take to be able to say, "I love my life"?
I need to figure out how to love myself--not in a "me-centered" selfish way--but with the same unconditional love I have for my children, and most of the time for my dear husband (just being honest) and so many others in life.
I will think about it... but not for too long. I need to keep my eyes on Jesus!
Maybe that is the key... in keeping my eyes on Jesus, I need to allow myself to see "me" through His eyes. I dare say I would be overwhelmed with ways to see how to love "me".
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