Journal Entry - 9-16-02

Through out this blog I will be placing the actual words from my Journals... I have so many of them. I am not going to put them in Chronological order or any particular order.. I will just make entries.. so that those needing help or needing to understand someone hurting can get a glimpse into a broken, hurt heart on the victory path to healing..

Here is my journal entry from 9-16-02

Waiting in counselor's office lobby for him to come in. today is "talk day" - whatever that means and I am really not prepared. I don't have so much built up inside that I need to talk about

• I've been selfish, afraid my husband and others or not going to take care of me - as he and others do, I am trying to be less selfish.


• I am going to more other-oriented. It is hard in the midst of EMDR counseling sessions. It seems I can breathe more when one is finished - in the time between the end of one and the start of another.


• I literally laid on my bed Friday and had a tantrum- kicking my feet, wanting this to be over - oh, how I dread each new EMDR session. I hate opening the wounds, I hate facing the hurt, I hurt feeling the pain, I hate having to go there, having to remember, it is like undergoing shock therapy but submitting yourself to it willingly.


• The key is to keep God-focused and not me-focused.


• What is God doing? What does God want? What is He trying to teach me? What does He want me to do?

And the only way to live God-focused is to be a listening person. I must listen for His voice and talk to Him. I must read the Word and listen to what He teaches me. Renewing my mind with His Ways!

Oh God, lead me, my counselor is just a mere man. You are my God! I completely, I totally look to you for healing, for comfort, for direction.

You are my all in all, please meet with us today.